I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
