The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
