I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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