oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
