o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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