Please, let me fuck your mom
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
