we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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