think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
