No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
