I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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