First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
