i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
