So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
