Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
