It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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