We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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