I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
