just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
