My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
be right there i have to get my cape
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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