my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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