he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize