Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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