Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
