Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize