After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
