Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
