but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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