just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize