Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
