I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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