'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
