you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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