he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
