I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
