fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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