I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
how drunk are you?
Several
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
