How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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