I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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