Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
