ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
