I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
