I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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