Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
