My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
