your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
