my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
