I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
