I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
