I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
