she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
