Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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