if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
