Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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