Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
