went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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