Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
