Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Operation Purity has been aborted
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
