whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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