I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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