just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The adults are the big ones right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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