Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
