I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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