I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
