only if we run a train.
done.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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