Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
