john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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