yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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