addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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