so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
