Your tits are I can't wait for
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
