I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
