No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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