I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
