we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
