I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
