woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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