If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i now understand why vodka
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize