And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
