My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
