ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
