the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
