Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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