On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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