so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
