There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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