DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
