i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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