he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
