Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
