Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
