My liver just broke up with me...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
