alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
