There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
