FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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