Cold hands, warm shart.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
